How I Lost My Mom
When I was 20, my mother was involved in a horrendous motor vehicle crash that eventually took her life. She was only 44 years old and she still had so much to live for. I can still remember how I got the call from my sister who was a that time living in the U.S.
It was after 1am, my husband at that time was going back and forth to the hospital in Kota Bahru , Malaysia because my then mother in law was suffering from high blood pressure and she was in a lot of pain from other sickness as well. I was then three months into my pregnancy, expecting my first child and my father in law and sister in law were home with me.
Approximately 2am the telephone rang, my father in law answered and he handed the phone to me. I was a little worried as I thought that my husband had something to tell me about his mom and did not want his dad to know but I was surprised instead to hear a females voice on the other side of the line. At first I could not quite make out who the caller was as she was not saying much and at the same time I could hear she was crying silently and then sobbing uncontrollably as the second ticked by. I could sense she was clearly struggling to compose herself. I said out, "Mimi, is that you? What's wrong? What's wrong and why are you crying? She was fighting hard to get the words out of her mouth and then finally managed to mutter in a very sad, soft , morbid tone, "We have to go home,...we have to go home to K.K!" I started to panic and I knew I was shaking by then and asked her why and I kept repeating why. At that moment when she hesitated in replying, I had an awful feeling at the pit of my stomach that something was terribly wrong. Then she said, "It's mummy!"... I knew at that precise moment I screamed and I must have screamed my lungs out and cried out "NOOOOOOOO!' and almost collapsed onto the floor had it not been my father in law grabbing hold of me in time to break the fall. I was hysterical as I got hold of the phone again and manged to ask what had happened but somehow I knew it already as my sister confirmed my worst fears and said ,"there's been an accident." Somehow I knew that if she said that we had to go home, it would only mean one thing and that would mean that mom was gone...
You see, that afternoon before mom left, she had called to remind me to take care of myself and to drink lots of milk as she was of course thinking of her grandchild and like any mother would do, she called because she was just looking out for her own daughter. I recall asking her why was she going on a long trip again as she had just return from one not too long ago but she assured me that it was not going to be long and that when she got back she would call me. We only talked for a couple of minutes and said our good-byes and that was it.
So when my sister called and she said it was mom and the accident, I knew immediately that mom was gone. It was a gut feeling even before my sister mentioned her being in a motor vehicle accident. Right then, the telephone call I had with mom earlier on that day came flashing back. I cried and screamed and I remember my father in law holding me, trying to console the inconsolable and trying to get a much clearer picture of the whole situation from her, who was herself hysterical and visibly shaken by the gut wrenching news of the demise of our mother. He assured her that we would be on the first flight out to K.K. that very morning.
When my father in law heard his son pulling up into the garage, he ran and called out to him in a panic-stricken voice and hurriedly ushered him inside the house as he told him that I had received the most devastating news about my mother. When he learned of the news, fell onto his knees beside me on the wooden floor and cradled me in his arms and we both just sobbed and sobbed until my father in law pulled us up onto our feet and asked us to go pray and seek solace, comfort and strength in going through this and the difficult times ahead.
I cannot really recall the exact time we left Kota Bahru, but we had to stop over in Kuala Lumpur where we met up with moms good friends as they came to pick us up from the airport. They too looked like hell with bloodshot red, bulging eyes stemming from all the cryings. The atmosphere was just so heavy with profound sadness. That evening before we departed Kuala Lumpur, we all sat closely to one another for emotional, physical support and reminisced the good old days and just remember mom the way I am certain mom would have wanted us to remember her...Always Happy! When it was time to leave for the airport once again, this time our journey bound for home, we all gave each other a nice good long bear hug and then cried some more. The cryings would not stop for another 40 days as thus the period of mourning will end officially. But even after the 40 days, I would still be mourning by myself in private for the next three years.
The flight back home seemed ages. As we walked out from the arrival hall, fresh burning hot tears welled up my eyes once again as I watched four of my cousins approached us. I remembered vividly the instant one of them opened up his arm to hug me, I literally collapsed from emotional fatigue. Somehow we all managed the way home in silence as we headed back to my paternal grandmothers place. Upon arrival, my brother Rudolph greeted us at the entrance as he instructed us to get down onto our knees and had to make our way to the casket that way as required and practiced by the customs and culture of the Kadazan people. The moment I reached her coffin, I reached out and touched her flawless but pale face with my trembling fingers and gently stroking her cheeks, pleading her to wake up and to just open up her eyes. I cried out telling her that I was so sorry for everything and that I promised her that I would be good from now on and that I would change. I kept crying out for her to please wake up...Of course at that precise moment, I was far beyond of being in the right, logical state of mind.
From here on, everything was like a whirlwind. I found out during the wake how it all went down and the final moments of my mothers life. Apparently she was still conscious for a good long while but because she suffered severe head injuries, she was DOA at the hospital. (Dead on Arrival) There was nothing more the doctors could do as she suffered massive injuries and head trauma. She had broken both legs, one of her arms, both wrist, one side of her ears got clipped off and her hips were crushed beyond salvage. So, had she survived this, and frankly I didn't see how she could have, she would have been in a vegetative state and I know for a fact mom would rather die than live this way. Unfortunately, she was the only casualty out of the seven other people in the van. The reason she had such massive injuries was because a logging truck, similar to a semi truck, (a sixteen wheeler) in the U.S, rammed into the vehicle they were travelling in and she happened to be in the front passenger seat beside the driver. And as they were coming down a foggy hill, the driver never saw the on coming semi and it drove right into my moms side of the van. The last few words out of her mouth were, "Oh God, it hurts, it hurts soooo bad!", as blood was oozing down her face and neck profusely.
My mothers face was serene, no scars from the impact of the accident at all. Not a single tiny scratch! How incredibly amazing is that and yet, her whole body was almost squashed to a pulp! At least something beautiful was left for us to savour for the last time. Seven days she lay at home and just as her casket was to be shut, my sister arrived in the nick of time to bid and kiss her farewell. The last time Mimi saw mom was four years ago, so it was especially difficult for her rather than me and Rudolph. The whole house were packed with crying mourners and flowers from so many people. I was amazed at the outpouring number of flowers and people present that day. Relatives from as far as Australia to Singapore to the U.S all flew home for the funeral. Apparently mom has touched so many people in so many ways and everybody have come to pay their final respect and bid her farewell. As the time came for the closing of the casket, one of my aunts made me turn away and not look as they believe that it was not good for an expectant mother to witness such. I cried even more hysterically as I grabbed onto my aunts arm, asking mom not to leave me and crying out asking her to wake up, as though she was just sleeping, which she actually really did look as if she was....so peaceful, so calm and so beautiful!
The rest of the day went by in a flash. First the church service where the spokesperson from the Lions Club paid tribute to mom and then a couple more went up before we all made one last final walk by to kiss her before they sealed the casket. After that we were off to the cemetery, moms final resting place! My sister passed out and had to be carried away and was brought back home. I stayed with all the other aunts, uncles, cousins and friends. Everyone leaning onto each other for support at the hardest times of our lives. Slowly the crowd dispersed as everyone headed back to my grandmothers place as the mourning period starts. When it was time to leave, I dragged my feet, not wanting to leave, I turned around and looked at the freshly dugged up soil surrounded by all the colourful, sweet smelling flowers and took a long last look and blew her a kiss from the staircase. Then I walked up, head hanging so low, my eyes shut ever so tightly as I weeped silently, a tiny hot tear trickled down my cheek, as I mouthed the words, "Rest in peace mom. I shall miss you ".
This was sixteen years ago. Mom would have been 60 today if she had lived. She would have had the pleasure of spoiling all her grand kids, I know this for a fact. She was a wonderfully strong-willed person inside out and on top of it all...she was just simply beautiful, blessed with a true pure heart of gold. That's her, a real genuine gem and she was my MOTHER!
It was after 1am, my husband at that time was going back and forth to the hospital in Kota Bahru , Malaysia because my then mother in law was suffering from high blood pressure and she was in a lot of pain from other sickness as well. I was then three months into my pregnancy, expecting my first child and my father in law and sister in law were home with me.
Approximately 2am the telephone rang, my father in law answered and he handed the phone to me. I was a little worried as I thought that my husband had something to tell me about his mom and did not want his dad to know but I was surprised instead to hear a females voice on the other side of the line. At first I could not quite make out who the caller was as she was not saying much and at the same time I could hear she was crying silently and then sobbing uncontrollably as the second ticked by. I could sense she was clearly struggling to compose herself. I said out, "Mimi, is that you? What's wrong? What's wrong and why are you crying? She was fighting hard to get the words out of her mouth and then finally managed to mutter in a very sad, soft , morbid tone, "We have to go home,...we have to go home to K.K!" I started to panic and I knew I was shaking by then and asked her why and I kept repeating why. At that moment when she hesitated in replying, I had an awful feeling at the pit of my stomach that something was terribly wrong. Then she said, "It's mummy!"... I knew at that precise moment I screamed and I must have screamed my lungs out and cried out "NOOOOOOOO!' and almost collapsed onto the floor had it not been my father in law grabbing hold of me in time to break the fall. I was hysterical as I got hold of the phone again and manged to ask what had happened but somehow I knew it already as my sister confirmed my worst fears and said ,"there's been an accident." Somehow I knew that if she said that we had to go home, it would only mean one thing and that would mean that mom was gone...
You see, that afternoon before mom left, she had called to remind me to take care of myself and to drink lots of milk as she was of course thinking of her grandchild and like any mother would do, she called because she was just looking out for her own daughter. I recall asking her why was she going on a long trip again as she had just return from one not too long ago but she assured me that it was not going to be long and that when she got back she would call me. We only talked for a couple of minutes and said our good-byes and that was it.
So when my sister called and she said it was mom and the accident, I knew immediately that mom was gone. It was a gut feeling even before my sister mentioned her being in a motor vehicle accident. Right then, the telephone call I had with mom earlier on that day came flashing back. I cried and screamed and I remember my father in law holding me, trying to console the inconsolable and trying to get a much clearer picture of the whole situation from her, who was herself hysterical and visibly shaken by the gut wrenching news of the demise of our mother. He assured her that we would be on the first flight out to K.K. that very morning.
When my father in law heard his son pulling up into the garage, he ran and called out to him in a panic-stricken voice and hurriedly ushered him inside the house as he told him that I had received the most devastating news about my mother. When he learned of the news, fell onto his knees beside me on the wooden floor and cradled me in his arms and we both just sobbed and sobbed until my father in law pulled us up onto our feet and asked us to go pray and seek solace, comfort and strength in going through this and the difficult times ahead.
I cannot really recall the exact time we left Kota Bahru, but we had to stop over in Kuala Lumpur where we met up with moms good friends as they came to pick us up from the airport. They too looked like hell with bloodshot red, bulging eyes stemming from all the cryings. The atmosphere was just so heavy with profound sadness. That evening before we departed Kuala Lumpur, we all sat closely to one another for emotional, physical support and reminisced the good old days and just remember mom the way I am certain mom would have wanted us to remember her...Always Happy! When it was time to leave for the airport once again, this time our journey bound for home, we all gave each other a nice good long bear hug and then cried some more. The cryings would not stop for another 40 days as thus the period of mourning will end officially. But even after the 40 days, I would still be mourning by myself in private for the next three years.
The flight back home seemed ages. As we walked out from the arrival hall, fresh burning hot tears welled up my eyes once again as I watched four of my cousins approached us. I remembered vividly the instant one of them opened up his arm to hug me, I literally collapsed from emotional fatigue. Somehow we all managed the way home in silence as we headed back to my paternal grandmothers place. Upon arrival, my brother Rudolph greeted us at the entrance as he instructed us to get down onto our knees and had to make our way to the casket that way as required and practiced by the customs and culture of the Kadazan people. The moment I reached her coffin, I reached out and touched her flawless but pale face with my trembling fingers and gently stroking her cheeks, pleading her to wake up and to just open up her eyes. I cried out telling her that I was so sorry for everything and that I promised her that I would be good from now on and that I would change. I kept crying out for her to please wake up...Of course at that precise moment, I was far beyond of being in the right, logical state of mind.
From here on, everything was like a whirlwind. I found out during the wake how it all went down and the final moments of my mothers life. Apparently she was still conscious for a good long while but because she suffered severe head injuries, she was DOA at the hospital. (Dead on Arrival) There was nothing more the doctors could do as she suffered massive injuries and head trauma. She had broken both legs, one of her arms, both wrist, one side of her ears got clipped off and her hips were crushed beyond salvage. So, had she survived this, and frankly I didn't see how she could have, she would have been in a vegetative state and I know for a fact mom would rather die than live this way. Unfortunately, she was the only casualty out of the seven other people in the van. The reason she had such massive injuries was because a logging truck, similar to a semi truck, (a sixteen wheeler) in the U.S, rammed into the vehicle they were travelling in and she happened to be in the front passenger seat beside the driver. And as they were coming down a foggy hill, the driver never saw the on coming semi and it drove right into my moms side of the van. The last few words out of her mouth were, "Oh God, it hurts, it hurts soooo bad!", as blood was oozing down her face and neck profusely.
My mothers face was serene, no scars from the impact of the accident at all. Not a single tiny scratch! How incredibly amazing is that and yet, her whole body was almost squashed to a pulp! At least something beautiful was left for us to savour for the last time. Seven days she lay at home and just as her casket was to be shut, my sister arrived in the nick of time to bid and kiss her farewell. The last time Mimi saw mom was four years ago, so it was especially difficult for her rather than me and Rudolph. The whole house were packed with crying mourners and flowers from so many people. I was amazed at the outpouring number of flowers and people present that day. Relatives from as far as Australia to Singapore to the U.S all flew home for the funeral. Apparently mom has touched so many people in so many ways and everybody have come to pay their final respect and bid her farewell. As the time came for the closing of the casket, one of my aunts made me turn away and not look as they believe that it was not good for an expectant mother to witness such. I cried even more hysterically as I grabbed onto my aunts arm, asking mom not to leave me and crying out asking her to wake up, as though she was just sleeping, which she actually really did look as if she was....so peaceful, so calm and so beautiful!
The rest of the day went by in a flash. First the church service where the spokesperson from the Lions Club paid tribute to mom and then a couple more went up before we all made one last final walk by to kiss her before they sealed the casket. After that we were off to the cemetery, moms final resting place! My sister passed out and had to be carried away and was brought back home. I stayed with all the other aunts, uncles, cousins and friends. Everyone leaning onto each other for support at the hardest times of our lives. Slowly the crowd dispersed as everyone headed back to my grandmothers place as the mourning period starts. When it was time to leave, I dragged my feet, not wanting to leave, I turned around and looked at the freshly dugged up soil surrounded by all the colourful, sweet smelling flowers and took a long last look and blew her a kiss from the staircase. Then I walked up, head hanging so low, my eyes shut ever so tightly as I weeped silently, a tiny hot tear trickled down my cheek, as I mouthed the words, "Rest in peace mom. I shall miss you ".
This was sixteen years ago. Mom would have been 60 today if she had lived. She would have had the pleasure of spoiling all her grand kids, I know this for a fact. She was a wonderfully strong-willed person inside out and on top of it all...she was just simply beautiful, blessed with a true pure heart of gold. That's her, a real genuine gem and she was my MOTHER!
Comments
..speechless. I never forget the same story u told me 10 years ago.
*sob!*