My Late Father

"Hold on dad. You need to get better. Everything will be alright. Try to get as much rest as you can and not to worry about anything else. Your health is far more important than anything else right now. You get some rest and I will call you again later." 

That's the last thing I said to my father before I got the horrible news of his passing. I recalled speaking to him that Sunday afternoon and by 10.30pm that night, I got the call to go home...my father had passed away...He was only 70...

I sat alone by an isle seat with my eyes closed and trying as best as I could to remain calm and composed as I made my long journey home from France to Malaysia to see my father at last, after more than a decade....home....

 Yes, after 11 years I was finally going to see him but it was not the way I had wanted or least envisioned, as this trip home was for me to say my final good bye and lay him to eternal rest.This was by far the hardest journey I have had to make... ALONE!

My father and I reconciled in the last couple of months prior to his death. We had a fall out years ago which resulted in us not speaking to each other for a good long while, which was until the death of his wife and that was when we kind of buried the hatchet and started communicating again. We would talk on the phone and exchange news from time to time and I would constantly ask if he was keeping himself busy as I knew how difficult the situation was for him. He would say that the days were ok but the nights were long and hard and he found it extremely difficult to sleep alone without his wife beside him. I recall telling him, "You know dad, if I was living in KK, I would come and take care of you, but I live here and I have the business to run and I am trying to make it"...He said he would try his best to be occupy himself. Unfortunately I guess,  he just was not strong enough...

It was not a year ago that he was left with huge hole in his life as his life partner was also taken so suddenly. His mental state of mind was slowly but surely headed for down hill and the void in his life was gradually draining the will to live out of him and emotionally he was left a wreck unfortunately. Sometimes I could sense his loneliness  when we spoke and the pain in his voice of having lost the love of his life. It was hard to comfort him as I knew that the one person who was capable of doing so was gone and it just seemed that he was hanging on to life by a thread. Life had no more purpose for him now, now that she was gone.

In the following months after his wife passed on, I tried my best to call him as often as I could. Because I was living so far away, the best I could do were phone calls and chats. We would take turns to look for each other and towards the end before he died, I remember that dad would come pretty  often on facebook and look for me whenever he could see that I was connected and whenever he did, I would always make time for him to chat for a couple of minutes. The chats were always good, our fast chats I would always refer it...and then when we spoke, I remember him always laughing...how strange it is to hear that,that just by saying simple things could tickle a man as stubborn as him...that stubbornness I have to say I inherited from him, hard headed and down right stubborn!

And so when I finally got to see him, the immense pain that pierced through my heart were beyond words. His face so tranquil and so serene...just like my late mother and how she looked when she was laying in the coffin. Like mom, dad looked as if he was asleep and I realized then, he was at peace and he was finally happy...happy that he will finally be with the one he loves. Eleven months after his wife passed on, dad finally joined his wife and crossed over. As for those he left behind, especially me, I am left an orphan, our reconciliation time robbed so suddenly and I will never be able to ask him all the things that I have always wanted to ask and I will never be given that opportunity again. But I am grateful that I did manage to tell him not once but twice in the last month that I love him...I cannot recall if he ever replied to me the same but that was not something my father would say easily. He was never an expressive man, that I know. But nevertheless, feelings mutual or not, I said it to him and I made it known and I am so glad I did tell him so, regardless. 

He was laid to rest surrounded by all his children. In my life time, I don't recall a time when we kids were all together in one particular place at one particular time. This time round however, was different, this was an exception. An exception as we buried our father...Life continues for us as we all head into different directions in life again...no more exceptions I suppose after this. I sure hope not...

For those who are still with parents, cherish it to its fullest...you cannot recapture what is lost...it is now or never....